As a lawyer I shall identify Santa Claus's five crimes every year:
Santa Claus comes around every year spreading goodness and joy to the world. Children love him for his presents. Parents love him because he gives children a reason to be good all year long. But in order to do his job, Santa Claus must bend the rules a bit. Here are five Christmas crimes Santa Claus commits every year.
The world knows Santa Claus for his infectious holly jolly spirit. He lives in the North Pole with his wife, Mrs. Claus and his wonderfully helpful elves. He monitors children and knows if they've been bad or good. Before he leaves on his yearly tour, he checks his list twice to make sure each child get what they deserve, whether it be toys or coal. Children look forward to his visits every year, leaving him milk and cookies.
Should Santa Claus be a convicted criminal? Every year he gets away with a multitude of heinous crimes without consequences. Here are five Christmas crimes Santa Claus gets away with every year.
1. Breaking and Entering
What would you do to someone who's quietly sneaking into your home late at night? Well, some people call the police, some grab baseball bats, and others do all of the above. In the United States, breaking and entering is a felony charge that can land a year or more in prison. Yet, Santa Claus is able to sneak into every household in the world without even a slap on the wrist.
Additionally, if Santa Claus will ever face charges for his crimes, the judge can add trespassing to the list as well. Whether he sneaks down a chimney or not, Santa Claus is committing a crime by busting into our homes with the intent of stealing our milk and cookies. Is there ever a mention of Santa showing his passport at each and every country he visits on Christmas? No, of course not. That's because Santa Claus doesn't have a passport. So every year, Santa Claus gets away with illegally crossing borders and back without a passport. While Santa enjoys global travel, we can't even get past security without proper paperwork and thorough security checks. Additionally, Santa gets away with flying without a reindeer, pilot or aircraft license! Not even the smartest criminal masterminds can pull that off.
Since Santa Claus is immune to border security, he doesn't have to worry about what's in his big Red Sack. Whether it be children's toys or other things, Santa Claus gets away with anything. Only he can get away with smuggling all sorts things into and out of 196 countries. For now, it seems like Santa Claus is using his powers for good. We have yet to hear from parents who claim Santa Claus left anything other than toys and the occasional lump of coal under the Christmas tree.
4. Giving Children Lumps of Coal
Although this may not be a true crime, think about how it might affect children when they find a lump of coal instead of presents. Seriously Santa, they're children for goodness sakes! A judge might as well accuse Santa Claus of intentional emotional distress. However, if he's checking his list twice, does that mean the 'bad' children deserve the lump of coal? Maybe. But at least give the children some constructive criticism so they can learn from their mistakes.
5. Invasion of Privacy
He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. When people peer or spy into private lives, it's a crime. When Jolly Santa does it year after year, he gets away with it. In fact, it's socially acceptable. While people have baby video monitors, security monitors, and other sorts, Santa Claus holds the ultimate piece of monitoring technology. Until there is a better way of him knowing how well children behave, he will continue to get away with a global invasion of privacy. Santa Claus may be the best criminal mastermind of all time, he might not be so bad. He works hard every year to give presents to the good boys and girls of the world. All Santa does is for the greater good, even if it means bending the rules.