And So We Begin

Do you relate to any of these statements? If so, you will benefit from this book and the solution presented here. • I am unhappy in my long-term relationships. • My work relationships are tense. • I get the feeling my kids avoid me. • My relationship with money is not satisfying. • I would not describe my home life as consistently peaceful. • I frequently lose or switch jobs. • I don't understand why people get angry with me when I'm only trying to help. • I am sometimes shocked by how I treat customer service people. • My relationships with my children are tense or stressful. • I suffer from road rage. • I hear myself say things that I know I will regret later, but I can't stop myself. • I make jokes at other people's expense. • I feel surprised when people admit they are afraid of me. • I blame others. • I judge others frequently. • I often believe I am right and others are wrong. • I assume that others are not as intelligent as I am. • Drama seems to follow me. • I often feel frustrated, angry, sad, or lonely. • I can't keep my opinion to myself. • I don't have much sensuality in my life. • My life lacks true and fulfilling romance. • I struggle with money and abundance. • I meet my own needs at the expense of others. • I allow others to meet their needs at my expense. • I keep score in relationships. • I call people names. • My life would be better if others would just…

This book is designed to be a basic text for recovery in Violence Anonymous and a workbook to help those who want to actively work a VA program and recover from an addiction to conflict and drama. Many find it useful to read with a pen or pencil in hand to more easily and readily answer the questions. I personally work through all 12 Steps one Role at a time. Roles on the Drama Triangle will be discussed in Step 1. My first pass through all 12 Steps was as a Persecutor. Next, I worked the 12 Steps as a Victim, then again as a Rescuer. Many of us continue to work the Steps over and over again. We finish with Step 12 and start again at Step 1, focusing on the Role that is most glaring to us at the time. I recommend that you concentrate on the Role that you and your sponsor agree is most obtrusive in your life today. Keep it simple. No need to do them all at once. I hope this book combined with your own actions brings you peace of mind and freedom from violence. Good reading and good luck in your recovery. Do you relate to any of these statements? If so, you will benefit from this book and the solution presented here. • I am unhappy in my long-term relationships. • My work relationships are tense. • I get the feeling my kids avoid me. • My relationship with money is not satisfying. • I would not describe my home life as consistently peaceful. • I frequently lose or switch jobs. • I don't understand why people get angry with me when I'm only trying to help. • I am sometimes shocked by how I treat customer service people. • My relationships with my children are tense or stressful. • I suffer from road rage. • I hear myself say things that I know I will regret later, but I can't stop myself. • I make jokes at other people's expense. • I feel surprised when people admit they are afraid of me. • I blame others. • I judge others frequently. • I often believe I am right and others are wrong. • I assume that others are not as intelligent as I am. • Drama seems to follow me. • I often feel frustrated, angry, sad, or lonely. • I can't keep my opinion to myself. • I don't have much sensuality in my life. • My life lacks true and fulfilling romance. • I struggle with money and abundance. • I meet my own needs at the expense of others. • I allow others to meet their needs at my expense. • I keep score in relationships. • I call people names. • My life would be better if others would just…

Since 1994, James M. has utilized the tools of 12 Step meetings, spiritual practice and therapy to overcome alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual abuse, money issues, codependency, and depression. Despite all of this inner-work, he was still unable to control his conflict-oriented outbursts and abusive behavior, which ultimately kept him small in his career and unhappy in his relationships. After a number of confrontations with police regarding domestic violence charges, he sought help by voluntarily enrolling in an anger management course. The education he received was vital in avoiding prison or seriously hurting someone, but not enough to stop the cycle of abuse in his own behavior or the behavior of those he attracted. He would improve for long stretches of time, only to find himself in the same mess months later. Over time these dramatic events worsened. Realizing that his condition was progressive, he recognized the need for a daily routine and reminder of his condition; a consistent program of recovery from violence. Thus, Violence Anonymous was born out of a desire to lead a happy, productive life and an understanding of the power of the 12 Steps. For months James held a "men's only" meeting in Austin, Texas. Occasionally other men joined, but mostly he was alone. He knew that the 12 Steps had saved his life from the torture of alcoholism and drug addiction, so he kept on, praying for warriors with the courage to face this personal and societal malady. In August of 2005, while speaking in another 12 Step meeting, he admitted his experience to a group of women. At their request, the meeting was opened to everyone with a desire to recover from violence, and life was breathed into the community of Violence Anonymous. Today, people from all over North America, Europe, the UK, the Middle East, and India dial into conference call phone meetings and share their experience, strength, and hope, on the road to overcoming violent behavior in their own lives, one day at a time.