Words to Love By

They say Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither are the most successful marriages. Successful relationships are built using building blocks like engagement, safety, mending, loyalty, opportunity, trust, hope, and gratitude. This book reveals the elements consistently underutilized or missing in relationships, especially struggling marriages and couples considering divorce. These are elements not just to know and recognize as concepts but also to understand how they interconnect and work together to build a strong(er) and more fulfilling relationship. Love isn't enough to make a marriage last. Successful marriages require wisdom and effort - even in the strongest of unions. "Words To Love By" is written by an experienced counseling and marriage mentoring team, who also are husband and wife. This book focuses on practices that help couples improve communication, resolve conflict, and create a stronger marital bond. Packed full of real-life relatable examples, actionable steps, insight, and chapter ending questions for further development, this book is ideal for individuals, couples, small groups and as a premarital counseling workbook. Lasting love is not found, it is BUILT.

This book represents an A-to-Z lexicon of “Words to Love By” that we consistently find missing or underutilized in relationships, especially struggling marriages. These are words (or elements) not just to know and understand as concepts, but also to recognize the way they interconnect with the other elements of a strong relationship. The impact and output of these elements is what we have coined as the “Wildly Successful Marriage!”

Each of the 26 chapters (which we call “elements”) is roughly 2,500 words, and each chapter includes questions at the end (“A Look in The Mirror”) for further thought and discussion.

Common Issues and Concerns Covered in This Book

1. Do you feel as if your partner doesn’t understand you? This is by far the most common complaint we hear when people come into the office. Do you feel your partner would react totally differently to you if only they understood you better?
2. Do you feel you are stuck and that you’ve tried everything to fix your relationship?This is probably the second most common concern, and given enough time, will often lead to people making poor choices in an attempt to move past the logjam they are feeling.
3. Do you feel there is a significant power imbalance between the two of you? Who has the power in your relationship, and in what areas? Do you feel you’re limited or cut off in discussing details of life decisions in your relationship and family?
4. Do you feel you can’t be honest with your partner about your true feelings? If you share what you’re really feeling, do you feel you’ll be told you’re wrong, judged, or rejected in some way? It’s really hard to be authentic if you feel you’ll be rejected.
5. Do you feel you can’t fully trust your partner with your heart? Are there things you’ve shared with your partner that they’ve shared with others, or they’ve later thrown back in your face? This often leads to broken trust between the two of you.
6. Do you feel that you or your partner find little joy in serving each other? Mutual service between mates is an important part of a relationship. People want to feel a joy in serving as well as being served by their partner. When this is missing, things feel like a chore rather than a way to say, “I love seeing you happy.”
7. Do you get more fulfilment from kids, work, or other interests than your partner?People will often say they get more meaning and fulfillment from other areas of their life than their partner and that their relationship is more a utility of life than a source of inspiration and safety.
8. Do you feel that if only you’d married the right person your marriage wouldn’t be struggling so much? It’s common to look at our problems and believe, “If only I’d married somebody else, I wouldn’t have these problems.” This is why too many people start to look up old partners on social media.
9. Do you or your partner struggle to talk about aspects of your physical intimacy?One of the best indicators of how well a couple is communicating is how well they can talk about their intimacy differences in the bedroom. It’s extremely common for spouses to have different wants, needs, and desires from one another. The question is, how easy is it for you to talk about them?
10. Are you considering leaving your relationship? At times, we all think about what life would be like if we ended things, but are you honestly considering leaving your relationship? Are you currently working on an exit strategy?
11. Are you struggling with family dynamics such as a blended family or in-law issues?Do you feel you are second, third, or even fourth in line in your partner’s priorities? Are there significant loyalty issues between the two of you when it comes to feeling supported?
12. Are you or your partner struggling with addictions or any repeated breach of trust? Humans are wired for relationships. When we struggle with addictions, we’re attempting to have a pathological relationship with something that can’t love us back. Building a strong relationship can go a long way in reducing those repeated negative patterns.

If you answer yes to or can relate to any of these 12 points, then this book is for you. You will find wisdom and strategies throughout the book to help you understand and address these most common concerns.

Kimberly is a marriage mentor, speaker, and retreat leader in private practice in Northern California. Kimberly has the heart of an educator and inspirer, and has worked as a radio personality, facilitator, trainer, and adjunct university professor. She is a lifelong student of customs, traditions, and rites of passage and draws on her formal and informal education including her own divorce to mentor her clients. Kimberly and her husband are bloggers, podcast guests, speakers, and lead small groups in addition to their private practices. They also work collaboratively offering weekend intensives for struggling couples wanting to save their marriages.