Then & Now: How My Sexual Attractions Have Changed

It is “common knowledge” today that homosexuality is inborn, innate, and unchangeable—that, in fact, any attempt to change one’s sexual orientation will inevitably cause great psychological harm and perhaps even lead to suicide. It may be “common knowledge,” but is it true? Our own experience says no. We know change in sexual attractions is possible—at least to some degree, and at least for some people—because we’ve experienced it ourselves. We know it because we’ve lived it. That’s why we’ve compiled this book: to share our own experience with others who might benefit. Others who need to know that, yes, some people really have reduced or eliminated their same-sex attractions through deliberate interventions like counseling, experiential personal-growth programs and non-sexual same-gender bonding. We share with you what our same-sex attraction (SSA) was like “then”—at the point in our lives when the SSA felt the strongest and most intense. We compare that to our lives now that the SSA has (in most cases) diminished—sometimes dramatically, sometimes minimally, but always for the better. We share with you what motivated us to pursue change, and what worked for us in bringing about the life changes we’ve experienced. Our collective experience cannot tell you how often change occurs, or how likely change is to occur. But our experience clearly demonstrates that, yes, change can in fact occur. It is real. It can even be life-saving.

It is “common knowledge” today that homosexuality is inborn, innate, and unchangeable—that, in fact, any attempt to change one’s sexual orientation will inevitably cause great psychological harm and perhaps even lead to suicide. It may be “common knowledge,” but is it true? Our own experience says no. We know change in sexual attractions is possible—at least to some degree, and at least for some people—because we’ve experienced it ourselves. We know it because we’ve lived it. That’s why we’ve compiled this book: to share our own experience with others who might benefit. Others who need to know that, yes, some people really have reduced or eliminated their same-sex attractions through deliberate interventions like counseling, experiential personal-growth programs and non-sexual same-gender bonding. We share with you what our same-sex attraction (SSA) was like “then”—at the point in our lives when the SSA felt the strongest and most intense. We compare that to our lives now that the SSA has (in most cases) diminished—sometimes dramatically, sometimes minimally, but always for the better. We share with you what motivated us to pursue change, and what worked for us in bringing about the life changes we’ve experienced. Our collective experience cannot tell you how often change occurs, or how likely change is to occur. But our experience clearly demonstrates that, yes, change can in fact occur. It is real. It can even be life-saving.

Rich Wyler is the founder and director of People Can Change, a non-profit, peer-led, support and outreach organization of men who have resolved, diminished or made peace with their unwanted same-sex attractions and who now support others who seek similar change. Wyler personally experienced enormous transformation from unwanted homosexual attractions in the 1990s, and founded People Can Change in 2000 in order to share with others the peace that he had found. Wyler is the founder and co-creator of PCC's life-changing Journey Into Manhood experiential weekend program, and co-creator of its Wife's Healing Journey program as well. He is a professional, certified life coach who works with clients especially on resolving or addressing unwanted same-sex attractions in their lives. Married and the father of two, he resides in Virginia, USA. He can be reached at rich@peoplecanchange.com or 1-434-985-8551.