The Ambivalent Daughter

"The Ambivalent Daughter: Memoir of a Conflicted Caregiver" by Bethanie Gorny is the compelling story of a mother and daughter struggling to adjust after the mother has a severe stroke. Suddenly Bethanie is faced with the need to assume responsibility for the care of her octogenarian mother who has become completely disabled. The two strong, independent women have never gotten along which complicates matters. Gertrude needs total care and moves to a nursing home near her daughter. She becomes angry and despondent about how her life has turned out. She finds she has lost all her independence in the residential setting where everything is regimented. Bethanie visits her mother daily to keep her spirits up and oversee her care. She observes nursing home practices that do not serve the best interests of her mother and becomes a fervent advocate for changes in the care her mother receives. She insists that her mother's emotional needs be addressed and as well as her medical ones. Through her reflections on the past, the reader gains insight into the reasons for Bethanie's ambivalence. She feels increasingly torn between the needs of her mother, her husband, and her career and begins to show signs of stress and depression. Her only sibling lives far away and feels frustrated that she cannot be more involved in their mother's care.   Bethanie's husband is supportive, but Bethanie feels guilty about how much time has been taken from their relationship by her mother's needs. The heart of the book is the interaction between the mother and daughter. Adult children coping with their aging parents' health problems will identify with the story and gain perspective and fresh ideas on how to cope and what to expect. This book is highly relevant as people live longer and many find themselves in the same circumstances. It is the emotional and tender story of a mother and daughter facing the challenges that confront them with courage, insight, and love.