This is a book about a lifelong search for meaning in the emotional grip of intimacy and sexuality. Chasing a sexual mirage, lost in a labyrinth of passion, Sam moves along a destructive path that unravels page after page. Faithful to his philosophical instinct he never climbs down from his search for meaning and a noble cause. An upstanding successful engineer, wife, two kids, Sam remains committed to his unresolved yearning for constructive intimacy until circumstances undermine his wish. Deflated, he resigns to a quiet unassuming life as a hard-working engineer. It is then when Sam is picked up by a most gentle woman – a perfect fit for his ability to project and receive intimacy. Hidden gates are opened. So much inside him was waiting for the woman with the key. And so in his older years Sam flares up with creativity that had never bloomed before. His instinct to invest himself in cross gender excitement pans out.
This book describes Sam as a mishandled boy: a vain woman takes advantage of his innocence. The story then draws the picture of a young man growing up, as old taboos fall down. Newfound sexual freedom carries away young minds.
Sam joins the army, a brave soldier. He is wounded. A bazooka flare hits his eyes. Terrified of blindness, he is emotionally overwhelmed by the caring touch of the nurse that washes his trembling body.
Sam is talented, he earns his engineering degrees and shines professionally. His yearning for meaning, for a cause, for emotional wholesomeness keeps Samuel on the sexual track, allowing his marriage to fall apart.
Samuel Soul represents the modern man growing in the post-religion world, in a society where the inner self is the ultimate guide, and satisfying arising passions is what it is all about. Sam is impressed by how he moves under the sexual force, and believes this to be the route for the profound answers to the ultimate questions of life and reality. The sexual drive looks like a ready horse to ride on to the alluring beyond.
Always in touch with himself and his sensations, Samuel Soul struggles and explores. He fails, licks his wounds and tries again. The lure always proves to be a mirage. Nothing sticks. His original premise that the pulsating secrets of life are concealed within the thrilling tension between a man and a woman, has proven false. The unrelenting search costs him his marriage, and now Sam is left with his professional work to fill his day.
Downcast, disappointed, Sam slides into a routine and shallow life. Strong and confident as a professional engineer, he is hopelessly naïve as to how short a lifetime is in the universal search for meaning.
Then she shows up. Nirvana, a foreigner, an Iranian woman raised in a distant culture. She picks Sam from his resigned state, and awakens in him what was there all the time: dormant and unseen. Herself a victim of an abusive sexuality, Nirvana emerged refined, mature and balanced. She is patient, calm, committed, and loving. Nirvana holds fast onto Sam, lifts him up, and breathes a gale of hope into his broken soul. The two build a shinning togetherness, which surprises them both with its power and light. So much was in him, packed and folded. Nirvana unpacked it all, unfolded and sent loose.
Sam, older, weaker in body, becomes a spiritual lion, creative like the wind, inspired like a lightning, a stream of remarkable technology flows from his design notes.
A power beyond got Samuel Soul and Nirvana together. They were reaching their furthest milestone of cross-gender intimate embrace and the fruit it bears. It was a long string of missteps, painful milestones to pass through. A flag of triumph is held by the original instinct to light the candles within, with a match held by a profoundly intimate sexual partner.