This book is for anyone who has ever been betrayed—by a husband, close friend, or family member—and wants to move forward. Those closest to us have the greatest power to harm us. They know us best, all our secrets and every vulnerability. When a loved one betrays your trust, it can be devastating. Betrayal can sear the soul. When not addressed effectively, betrayal can shatter your spiritual foundation.
At the age of 40, after 10 years of a marriage that had produced no children, I experienced an unwanted divorce. Besides having to grieve the loss of the marriage and grieve the loss of my hope for offspring, I faced the reality that my then-husband, who was supposedly my best friend, had betrayed me. By the time I learned of the divorce, he had already taken covert steps to set-up a new household with his girlfriend. The devastation of this marriage betrayal was compounded by the fact that everyone in our circle of friends and family knew about the infidelity and impending divorce months beforehand. The people with whom I had surrounded myself and trusted to protect me had instead betrayed my confidence. I spent the following days, months, and years disillusioned, hurt, angry, and questioning God.
Have you been there? Everyone's experience is unique, but there are common themes. Everyone must choose between love and hate; forgiveness or bitterness; moving forward or staying stuck in the past.
This collection of writings reflects how God's grace carried me through one of the darkest seasons of my life. Rather than seethe and agonize, I used my journal as my sounding board for expressing pain and finding peace. Writing and spending time at the feet of Jesus lifted me to a place of forgiveness instead of bitterness. In this collection, you will find that my writings are progressively less angry and increasingly more peaceful. I have sectioned them accordingly into three chapters:
Betrayed – It was the initial shock of being betrayed that hurt most. This chapter reflects the first quake of knowing I had been cheated on, abandoned, and then isolated. My emotions were raw and barely under control. Is that familiar to you?
Broken – When the initial shock ended, and daily living routines were restored, aftershocks followed. The aftershocks were unexpected, and each was reminiscent of the initial loss and pain.
Healing – Writings in this last chapter embrace the transition God allowed in my life. My writings reflect my continued questioning of God's purpose while also accepting His Sovereignty. My writings took on a new liberty.
The title poem, "Rub Some Dirt On It" is instructive wisdom to move on in the face of injury. The poem is not intended to minimize the devastating effects of deception, dishonesty, or betrayal but instead to encourage rugged, Godly resilience when life's circumstances hit hard.
It is my prayer that readers find solace, freedom, and peace in these pages. It is my prayer that, despite your circumstances, in response to betrayal, you rise.