- Genre:biography & autobiography
- Sub-genre:Religious
- Language:English
- Pages:524
- eBook ISBN:9798317827335
- Paperback ISBN:9798317827328
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Book details
Overview
This unflinching memoir chronicles a lifelong spiritual war that began with a satanic childhood ritual. That early violation poured demonic water into the author's soul, a force that was later met by a beautiful and sorrowful grace from God.
Peace never came. The memoir traces this internal battle, where teenage love offered a brief calm before a devastating rejection shattered it, sparking a vow to never again be vulnerable. In the aftermath, he tore himself apart, arming himself with cold logic and wearing depersonalization as a shield, all while he still met God in the midnight quiet.
This is a raw testimony of lust and holiness, of violation faced and grace uninvited. With the demon Lilith pulling him toward one path and Jesus toward another, he must rebuild from dust and shadow, only to confront the profound, aching truth of what his armor cannot save.
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This story begins with a terrifying paranormal encounter. A three-year-old boy, branded by a spiritual wound he calls the Morgul Blade and mocked by a Stickman shadow, finds the veil between worlds has thinned. This event marks him, setting his life on a course of lifelong affliction and obsession. From that night, his only defense is a retreat into cold logic. He becomes an observant witness, a detached scientist of the soul observing the world from the periphery.
This memoir is his confession. It chronicles his journey from that initial wound to a fragile peace. After a direct, physical encounter with God in his youth—a First Consolation that both heals and torments him—he dedicates himself to the priesthood. His path changes after his first semester of college, where he concludes his vow was a false premise and resolves to marry his first love.
It is only after this decision that he is met with a devastating rejection, an event that plunges him into his first Dark Night of the Soul. In the aftermath, he makes a new covenant: to remain cold, withdrawn, and to pursue a life of loveless encounters. To survive his pain, he forges a cynical, analytical framework—a Codex of Engagement—to depersonalize his suffering and navigate the cold mechanics of human desire. His journey is a desperate search for meaning, a path that takes him from the football fields of West Texas to the ancient, quiet chapels of Rome, where a second, violent divine encounter shakes his foundation.
He wrestles with his own demons, his intellectual arrogance, and the profound, deafening silence of God. It is the story of a man who forged a system from his suffering to protect himself, only to find himself trapped inside his own fortress. It is a search for a consolation powerful enough to heal his deepest wound and finally fill the empty chair that sits at the center of his heart. The narrative culminates in a final, transformative revelation, reframing his entire life as a divine forge, a painful ascent designed to break his seven deepest idols and transform him into the man he was meant to be.
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