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Book details
  • SubGenre:Inspiration & Personal Growth
  • Language:English
  • Pages:48
  • eBook ISBN:9780962293948

Before The Divorce Read This!

"When You Love Someone...Really Love!"

by M. A. Butcher

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AUTHOR’S NOTE The definition of divorce in its broadest sense is merely a separation or disunion. I admit to being a novice attempting to share. I must also confess that I was struggling with and for my own sanity. The emotional, physical and finally spiritual traumas that occurred during my separations (and there have been many, the last being the most meaningful), have forced me to see myself. Fortunately or not, I have been able to recognize the mirrored images reflected at me, the ones that I’ve projected onto the screens of the people I love. This has been purely reflexive. It was not my intention to smother, brow-beat, convince, persuade or judge, but it is instinctive. My first divorce was at nine years old. I stopped talking to my first friend because I had an attitude. A year later I found out that my friend understood and had moved on. I would like to acknowledge that there are many aspects of a relationship and/or marriage that have not been touched upon in this work, the reason being that I have written only about that which I have experienced. I have too much respect for you to invent stories or waste your time and money. I will ask for your assistance in regards to this: if and only if any one of these poems (and this is what I call them) helps you or seems true then please share it with someone – especially with any children talking about marriage. Thank you and may God Bless you. On the lighter side – This is a true story. The names and places have been eliminated to protect the guilty. *** With the lyric nature of titles including Active Love, Planning To Get Married (./?), All Friends Aren’t Real, Try Forgiving, What Color Is Love?, Did You Buy, Or Did You Marry, and Letting Go: this book and these poems were written to help the reader deal with and view the troubling times with a sense of hope. The Suggested Reading List was added to encourage and direct you to other useful resources.
PREFACE: This book began as a therapeutic effort to control the negative within myself and convert it into something positive. For many months I have spoken with thousands of people about love after each of them had read, “When You Love Someone…Really Love!” A great many of these people felt that lack of commitment is probably the biggest single reason for most divorces. Wholeheartedly I agreed. I refer to this present time as the “disposable era,” when almost everything is simply discarded and replaced. Because of this era I believe the attitude has spilled over into our relationships with our loved ones. Rather than living up to our commitment, we see divorce as fashionable. This is also to say that we too lightly allow ourselves to begin relationships with a lack of serious commitment, with the thought in the back of our minds that if our expectations are not met we will simply get a divorce. The mass media has also been popularizing divorces in print, on radio and television, and in films. Our society has condoned the advertisement of the ease with which you can “…get rid of the problem,” the problem being our inability to live up to and keep with the responsibility to our commitments, which can be very difficult at times. In the time that it has taken to complete this book I have learned a great deal from the individuals with whom I have spoken. I have also come to the awareness that many people (outside of the two individuals who are slowly divorcing one another) are being affected by the separations in our world. Children and in-laws and friends are the most affected, as well as co-workers, employers, employees, students, teachers, clients and strangers. The quality of the work done by those being affected is altered: sometimes for the better, but more often for the worse. Another major revelation is the amount of physical illness generated by either or both of the people directly involved. The mental and emotional strains produced and repressed or released affect the health negatively and sometimes quite seriously. The shame that I perceive in this understanding is that this all happens in the name of real love. … It seems to me that it is instinctive to experience a totally personal and selfish pleasure from loving, but there is another kind of experience in being loved. Regardless of whether love is selfish or not, the circumstances that lead up to and may or may not end in divorce many times have nothing to do with love. Environmental conditions play a large role in all our lives. The responsibility that a person feels directly affects his or her reaction to stresses and strains, as well as the ability to love and be loved. All of this adds up to a surprising divorce rate in our society. … I have heard somewhere that the divorce rate has begun to decline. I want to believe this. I also hope that this small effort I have made will diminish it even further. In a world where children are the audience, some of us adults are acting out our parts for their spectating minds from their births. It is a poor experience for a fragile psyche to be taught right from wrong and have to witness the lies, hypocrisy, disrespect, lack of consideration and commitment, and mental, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse directed at one another from the two people whom the child depends upon. It was once said to me that children involved in separations must rationalize between what is being said and what can be believed. They must face the thought that they too may not be loved. This brings me back to “When You Love Someone… Really Love!” I do admit it is an idealist way of expressing one’s feelings that is seldom if ever reached. Despite this, I believe that in a universe as small as each one of us, where there is an abundance of misery, loneliness, anger, apathy, frustration, resentment and disease, we each should reevaluate our methods of expressing love. M. A. Butcher
About the author
M. A. Butcher is a native of NYC who attended Catholic Parochial Schools in Brooklyn, and dropped out of CCNY after a few semesters in the late 1960's. Mr. Butcher has been writing poetry as a purposeful endeavor to understand his own and others' feelings. He has stated that "... thoughts locked on a page can be examined for their truth and the test of time." M. A. has been publishing since 1983 when he began YAMOO PUBLISHERS with the editorial guidance of Louis Reyes Rivera. His first book of poems entitled "BEFORE THE DIVORCE READ THIS!" has been in print since 1984 with more than 18,000 retail sales over the years all in New York City from the front seat of a Yellow Medallion Taxi. In 1999 the then Board of Education approved both "Positive Messages..." and "BEFORE THE DIVORCE..." for use as text materials in grades 6 thru 12. Mr. Butcher has completed two more books. A variation of Positive Messages for young women entitled "Dear Daughter..." and a reference work about the KJV of the Bible titled "Advanced Bible Lessons..." YAMOO PUBLISHERS is seeking capital investors to grow the business nationally.