BrainPan Amnesty

Since I was a kid one big item on my bucket list was to write a book. To create a piece of art and call it my own. I am not musically talented, nor in the visual arts. So I have these prose as my one creative outlet. I would not consider myself an "author" and I am not a proficient writer by any means. I don't think anything in this book is prolific or revolutionary, but it is honest. I used to write all the time and I slowly stopped as it increasingly became more and more contrived and felt disingenuous. Then, probably 11 years since I truly wrote anything, I mentally broke down. After hitting my breaking point writing was one of the ways I put myself back together and processed my feelings, thoughts, and traumas. So I decided to cross off this big bucket list item, whether it was good or special or not, but I would be able to say I did it. In this, I would accomplish the task of creating art itself and the therapeutic effects of the compositions themselves. This book is a memoir of the processing of these feelings and revelations. In the semi-beatnick legacy of the little literary lineage I have, there is very little editing to the pieces outside of spelling and grammar. It's an expression of thought and emotive outburst. I didn't care if it made sense as long as it was honest and resonated in some way to me, and hopefully any reader who comes across it. Writing these pieces helped me salvage and process many parts of myself; good, bad, old, and new. No matter how they are received they are that to me. If they resonate with you or help you in any way then I am thankful and it is not in vain. If they are ridiculous and make no sense then I hope they give you a laugh. Either way, I hope it adds something to your life as the making of this book has done for me.

If you read the back of this book then you already have an idea of my cheeky nature and what is in store for this compendium of my own emotional nonsensical veritas. I am aware it is not perfect. I am aware there is no such thing. I set out to find catharsis through creation and then share it. So please remember there is no ego in the manuscript you are holding. If anything there is an effort to kill my ego and be as honest as possible in what I went through. From raw emotive reactions and thoughts to pseudo-poignant points of enlightenment entangled in penmanship - I figured I would let it all write, be written, and thus be read. If these all, some, or even none resonate with you: thank you for taking the time. All of these are valid and okay. That too is a part of the creation of art. So this is for you. You. You , as in I. You, as in you; and You , as in all of us doing our best living one song at a time. I had to do something. If not, only for posterity but also in hopes that if it helps somebody....even once...then the catharsis through creation was not in vain, and I will be able to say I made something to be called 'art' that meant something and made an impact. To my closest friends and chosen family who supported me in this when I kept it close to the chest, thank you from the bottom of my heart: Daniel and Celia for your love and home, Annika for being my best friend and all your fight and support, All of my IronMongers gym Family, my MBS Strong squad, & all those who have ever supported me.... My given family: Dad, mom, and my sister, thank you for putting up with me. I love you all from the bottom of my heart. Here is to you… ...Slainté.

Nicholas resides in Oceanside, CA, and is a lover of all things nerdy and lifting-related. He is the creator and host of the Nerds Who Lift Podcast, an ADHD & Neurodivergent advocate, and a competitive powerlifter. When he is not doing any of those things he is a 'wannabe' writer.