Martini Alley

"Martini Alley and Other Swashbuckling Adventures of a Certified Klutz" is a never-ending and double-minded story of two soulmates and the perils they encounter in their search for paradise. Delve into the real-life escapades of the Klutzes, who are not just clumsy people that trip and fall and drop things, but the real certified by birth and marriage Klutzes.

Comical and light-hearted stories of two people and their often-misguided quest for adventure. Besieged by mishaps, the Klutzes face each venture like the swashbucklers of old—head-on with confidence and enthusiasm. It was spring of 1971 in Fort Gordon, Georgia. Nurse Lieutenant Diane Mumper had recently returned from duty in South Vietnam and was assigned a room in the Bachelor Officer's Quarters across the hall from Lieutenant Steve Klutz, who had also recently returned. They had little in common except, like many other returnees, they were hell-bent on having a good time and remaining single. Despite being nabbed by the Military Police for skinny dipping in the Officer's Club pool and a bar-room brawl in an off-limits pool hall that nearly resulted in injuries, Diane fell in love with the effervescent Klutz, realizing that her life would never be boring. And she was correct. Soon after marriage, the Klutzes begin their search for the perfect place to live and the perfect life. Building a house in the Colorado Rockies becomes a nightmare as crews escape for the winter, leaving the couple to finish it themselves. Undeterred by past mistakes, they tackle remodeling projects, including a 1920's home, Bob Villa style and later a home on the Gulf Coast using a less than savory work crew. Hitting mid-life with gusto, the Klutzes embark on a new adventure—boating. Beginning with tattoos, they discover the agony and ecstasy of yachting within the Red River and later the Texas Gulf waters. Whoever coined the phrase, "Buying a boat was the happiest day in my life second only to selling that boat," must have been thinking about the Klutzes as they merrily drift from one boating mishap to another. Thoroughly enjoying being on the water, the Klutzes decided that being in the water would be better, so they jumped into the sport of scuba-diving. Within the emerald waters of the Florida Panhandle, the often-murky waters of Bonaire, and the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean, the Klutzes encountered a world of color, beauty, and wonder. However, they also discovered to their dismay that the calmness of fifty feet below the surface could hide choppy waters above. Who knew you could throw up in full diving gear? Leaving the watery world behind, Steve and Diane's new adventure took them to the open road aboard a forty-plus foot motor home and much like Lucy and Desi in the "Long, Long Trailer" soon realized that disaster could lurk in the most harmless of places. From busted black water holding tanks to nearly plunging off a cliff in the Colorado Rockies, the Klutzes forged forward with gusto and determination. As the end of this eccentric and comic kind of marriage story approaches, there comes the realization that there is no ending. And there can't be for as long as Steve and Diane have breath, they will continue to dream and scheme about what could be next.

Diane Klutz is a proud Vietnam Veteran, nurse, wife, mother, grandmother, and author. Keeping to her credence that life is an ongoing adventure, she worked and studied her way through undergraduate and graduate school, post-graduate nurse practitioner certification, and finally earned her Ph.D. in Nursing at the young age of 59. Over the span of forty-eight years in the nursing profession, Diane practiced in various hospital settings, in clinic settings as a Family Nurse Practitioner, and teaching undergraduate and graduate nursing courses in Texas, specifically: Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, Texas Woman's University in Denton, and Texas A&M University in Corpus Christi. Diane's affinity for writing stems from a lifetime of reading and is based on her beliefs that each person has a story just waiting to be told and that real life is frequently stranger than fiction. Diane resides in Sun City, Texas which is just north of Austin, with her husband of fifty years, her two Cocker Spaniels, and one cat. When she is not writing, she enjoys reading, gardening, and playing shuffleboard with her friends at Wriggley's Pub.