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Book details
  • SubGenre:Love & Romance
  • Language:English
  • Pages:162
  • Paperback ISBN:9781667871936

It's Not About Communication!

Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong

by Dr. Bruce Chalmer View author's profile page

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We're Having Problems Communicating. Can Couples Therapy Help?

Yes! Couples therapy can help—but not by teaching you how to communicate.

If you and your partner are having trouble, the problem isn't how you're communicating. The problem is what you're communicating!

Written in a relatable, easy to understand and sometimes irreverent style, It's Not About Communication! will help you get the most out of couples therapy. Give it to your couples therapist!

Praise for It's Not About Communication!

Whether you are a client or a clinician, Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s latest book, It’s Not About Communication! offers spectacular insight into the often bumpy landscape of couples therapy. Dr. Chalmer gently guides the reader through many of the faulty assumptions and fixed theoretical understandings that often result in unsatisfactory experiences in therapy. Instead, in a voice that is both warm and clear, Dr. Chalmer invites the reader to consider the effects of believing in the wisdom of our clients and how this fosters a sense of hope and collaboration.

--Jane Kast, Psychologist, Individual and Couples Therapist

Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s book It’s Not About Communication! takes the reader “behind the curtain” of the whole couples therapy process. He demystifies the often mysterious and unknown experience of therapy so that couples know what to expect as soon as they walk through the door. Compassionate and informative, along with using a bit of humor, Dr. Chalmer shares his wealth of knowledge that comes from years of treating couples. I recommend this book to both therapists and couples alike who are looking for a roadmap of the couples therapy process.

–Dr. Alyson Nerenberg, author of No Perfect Love- Shattering the Illusion of Flawless Relationships

It seems to most men that their female partner can talk circles around them… which holds them back from seeking couple’s therapy. Seeing a therapist feels like a losing proposition to the average guy. However, Dr. Bruce Chalmer explains that it’s not how you’re communicating but what you’re communicating that is the solution you seek to achieving deep intimacy, respect and comfort with each other. If you’re stuck in your relationship this book may be the catalyst you need to have the relationship you want.

Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions”

Unlike so much of the help on offer these days, Chalmer offers an engagingly and endearingly clear path to this way to feel at home in the universe. A breakthrough book for couples ready at long last to brave reality in all of its paradoxical splendor.

 Jeremy Sherman, author of What’s Up With A**holes? A Beginner’s Guide to Advanced Psychoproctology


You'll learn:

  • Why practicing communication rules and techniques is wasting your time
  • How a simple seven-word formula can guide you toward healing, growth, and passionate connection
  • Why a mindset of faith—not necessarily religious—is the key to successful couples therapy
  • How to decide if your couples therapy is helping—and what to do if it isn't
  • Why ideas open possibilities, and ideologies shut down possibilities—and why that's important for couples therapy
  • Why your couples therapist's advice is probably useless—and what you really need from your therapist
  • Why couples therapy is a lot like improv theater

About the author

Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, writing, podcast, and videos about relationships, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists.

He has served in leadership positions in several Vermont Jewish communities, and is also a musician, composer, and choral director.

Dr. Chalmer is married to Judy Alexander, and together they produce the Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast. For more information visit his website:

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