Why do we use damaging things to suppress the pain we refuse to feel in our lives? Think about it: drugs, alcohol, work, food, sex, entertainment, obsessions, you name it, and we've tried them.
My pain drove me into sexual promiscuity. A lighter term for jumping in and out of every man's bed that gave me the time of day. I even kept a record of the number of men I could potentially sleep with by the time I reached 30 years old. But that didn't happen because I finally got pregnant at age 24. I always tell my daughter that she saved my life because God used her life to change mine. He knew I didn’t want to expose her to my flagrant lifestyle. So, He offered me a cleaned-up version of me, and I accepted. I gave my life to Jesus and did well at first, until love seemed to pass by me month after month, year after year. Sure, I had some interested gents, but I couldn't get the green light from Jesus. What was the hold-up?
I prayed, fasted, read my words, and faithfully went to church every Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday. So, what was the problem with giving me my husband? In 2008, eleven years later, I told myself I would not let go of the next man I met. And that is what I did. In my book, I call him Wrong Luv because that is when I found the buried pain he resurrected. That man forced me to relive all the brokenhearted relationships I had buried as a teenager.
In my book, I named my relationship shrine acceptance, attention, protection, affection, and admiration because a girl wants those attributes from her daddy to her man. I was only fourteen when my childhood sweetheart promised to marry me. So, why did he break my heart and marry someone else?
But that was surface stuff. I needed to get to the root cause of my problematic pain in my new adult relationship with Wrong Luv. Was I Emotionally Unstable (growing up without my daddy), or was he?
Take a journey with me on the Inside and find out!
