The Rules of Engagement, is not a “fix your marriage in ten easy steps,” type of book as you will commonly find, but a book that lays out the areas that are proven by research to be critical in creating a happy marriage. My book uses behavioral rules and strategies to help couples have success in these areas, as well as stories from real couples to show that achieving a happy marriage is possible. While most books on marriage focus on specific struggles, like affairs and marriage myths, my book looks at the whole marriage and takes a holistic approach of keeping different areas of marriage healthy. The Rules of Engagement, discovers a phenomenon of real behaviors that were consistent in all the couples in the study. This phenomenon was responsible for protecting the marriage and keeping the couples away from divorce.

The Rules of Engagement, opens with the reason I wrote the book and an appeal to readers to ask, how do successful marriages work? I then provide a short introduction to each couple that was interviewed in my study so readers can relate to their examples throughout the book. This is followed by a general introduction to the book which includes why they should care about having a healthy marriage, the six areas that research has shown to be important to a marriage, and the 6 rules for a healthy marriage. The first chapter is my personal experience with marriage and divorce, effectively setting up an example of what not to do in a marriage. My personal story will help readers understand the rules more thoroughly, and understand where I am coming from in writing the book. The first chapter also lays out the structure of the book and briefly explains my research and how the 6 rules were identified. The following 6 chapters will explain the 6 rules of keeping 6 vital areas of marriage healthy: finances, extended family, parenting, and family dynamics, preserving the relationship, and respecting differences. Each chapter will break down the importance of one of the rules, how it works to keep a marriage healthy, and strategies for incorporating the rule into the reader’s life. The chapters will include stories from the couples interviewed in the study that will give the reader further examples of the 6 rules. The next chapter will describe the essence of a strong marriage and how to apply the rules in general. The final section is The Tools of Engagement. This section will give sound and worthy advice on how to implement the tools for a good marriage.

Dorothy O'Neill Psy.D is an Adjunct Professor of Psychology at Alliant International University and in private practice in Anaheim Hills California. Dr. O'Neill specializes in couples therapy and also works with PTSD. She presents on IBCT to universities and facilitates IBCT couple workshops around the country.