The Cemetery of My Mind

The exorcising of Bill's childhood demons is a heartwarming success story. His youth, while spent avoiding a dysfunctional home, ranged throughout the war years in Niagara-on-the-Lake, getting in and out of more adventures than Tom Sawyer. A target of a pedophile priest at an early age, Bill has channeled his adult energies into working with victim's outreach programs as well as publicly challenging Church hierarchies to "clean out the decay". Throughout his memoir is the thread of love - for family; for Niagara-on-the-Lake; and for Joan, his partner in the success of so much of his life. And finally, in the end, we are left with HOPE.

William Bates begins his autobiography with a compilation of childhood memories best described by following the analogy set in the title. He describes memories as though marked by tombstones commemorating a childhood marred by abuse. He revisits his past through the benefit of self-analysis, endurance, and self-motivation. The early years in the “historical Paradise” of Niagara-on-the-Lake included boyhood escapades which he describes with fondness and humor. There are sporadic hints of something coming in the future that is even worse than living in a home with a tragically abusive alcoholic mother, and an otherwise successful father who is unable to intercede on his children’s behalf. In the middle and closing chapters, the full disclosure of a second abuse is related – the ultimate betrayal by representatives of the Catholic Church. The urgency, despair and search for understanding come alive in these passages. These are not memories but rather an ongoing experience. Through the constant love and support of his wife, together they find a way to acknowledge Bates’ family ghosts and to combat the Church by finding a way that helped not only him but others who have been damaged. A contact list of Survivors’ groups is included.

William Bates was born in the small, historic town of Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, Canada. The third of four boys, Bill, and his three brothers were often left alone to explore with friends, have imaginary adventures and get into mischief that sometimes wasn’t insignificant. He became a little river rat, knowing no borders. The boys’ father, a pharmacist, owned his own store, working up to sixty-plus hours a week; their mother suffered from alcoholism. Bill’s grandmother provided the love, the stability, and the grounding in his life when she was around. However, the negative conditions in his life left him open to many struggles, the worst being prey for a sexual predator. Bill’s determination to “rise above” led him to attend a boarding school in Kitchener. This was the basis for his becoming a survivor and later in life, a ‘thriver’. Bill married his high school sweetheart. Joan, and together they were determined to make a better life for their family of three children, and protect them from the evil he had seen in his life. This eventually guided him and Joan to help others in many ways. The most significant contributions for helping others were a self-awareness program for teenagers, and a defining role in a program for victims of abuse. His education, with the help of mentors, was self-taught. His entrepreneurship eventually led him to become a successful international business owner. He was always aware and appreciative of the help he received from others. As a result, he believed it necessary to give back not only money, but more important, his time. Bill and Joan now have retired to Florida, spending their summers and Christmas in the north with their children and grandchildren. Bill’s purpose in writing his memoir was for his children and grandchildren. As he wrote, it became evident that other survivors might benefit and gain hope from his experiences.