Out On A Cliff

~ In his first book new author and former career cop, Gary Rubie undresses the stigma and opens the curtain that says cops don’t cry. He uses a unique style of poetry and illustration to tell the story of his life. Rubie talks of abuse, broken relationships, dating a Hollywood actress, the darkness of Policing, deep depression, suffering job related career ending Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which led to suicide attempts, addictions, his own arrests and incarceration and his eventual treatment and recovery. Share his victories, his triumphs over all adversities; this is his story of redemption and hope. Truly a one of a kind book ~

~ In his first book new author and former career cop, Gary Rubie undresses the stigma and opens the curtain that says cops don’t cry. He uses a unique style of poetry and illustration to tell the story of his life. Rubie talks of abuse, broken relationships, dating a Hollywood actress, the darkness of Policing, deep depression, suffering job related career ending Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which led to suicide attempts, addictions, his own arrests and incarceration and his eventual treatment and recovery. Share his victories, his triumphs over all adversities; this is his story of redemption and hope. Truly a one of a kind book ~ Gary Rubie was a cops cop. His portrayal of the horrors of police work is masterful. From the stench of death to the loneliness and desensitizing effect of the job. He bares all about a job he once loved, but came to loathe. His words accurately describe an occupation designed not only to create psychological victims, but occupational casualties. He takes the lid off the Pandora's box of policing and allows us to peek inside. He's a survivor. Gary should probably be dead - but for God - and the purpose that God has for his life. ~

Chief of Police Daniel C. Parkinson, M.O.M., Cornwall Community Police Service, Cornwall, Ontario ~

FORWARD

I have come across many patients over the past ten years as a physician specializing in the treatment of addictions. The majority of those I treat leave me with a faded memory that over time becomes an interesting anecdote. There are very few patients that I remember vividly. The nature of my work requires a certain detachment if one is to retain ones sense of objectivity and sanity. There are, however, those exceptions that do stay with me. Gary Rubie is one. I first heard of Gary in the late summer of 2010. A colleague of mine, Ms. Wendi Woo, asked me if I would do her a favor and accept a patient scheduled to be admitted to our hospital. She had treated him previously for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and it was her opinion that my therapeutic style would fit this patient’s needs perfectly. I knew that I had no choice. My acceptance was a foregone conclusion. I owed this colleague much for her clinical help in the past and now she was calling in her favors. I reviewed the information on this Mr. Rubie and my heart sank. My colleague is not prone to exaggeration and the diagnosis of severe PTSD and addiction was not given lightly. She could see the dread in my face and told me to give him a chance. Gary walked into my office on October 19, 2010. There are three things from this first meeting that I noticed immediately; his height, his inability to stop shaking and his eyes. Of all these, it is his eyes that have remained in my memory ever since; for they had the look of naked misery. In my time I have heard many tragic stories, have had patients shed countless tears but misery, in its purest form, is rare. Misery is a desert where the capacity to shed tears has vanished and where screams are muffled by the suffocating despair of hopelessness. On this day in October misery was staring back at me. I admit that at first I truly believed that Gary was beyond my help. His PTSD complicated by his addiction was so severe that death by his own hand would likely be his lot. “I’ll do anything you ask Doc”. It was these words that Gary uttered in the middle of our first meeting that gave me hope that together we might just pull it off; that he just might make it. It has been 48 months since my first meeting with Gary. I continue to follow him as a patient of mine. His gratitude for the gift of recovery is expressed at the end of each of our appointments. It is Gary, however, who has given me more than I could ever give him. He has given me the gift in joining him through his journey of recovery. To witness a miracle of recovery as it unfolds. Within the pages of this book the life of Gary Rubie is presented to you. It is an invitation.  An invitation to join the journey of recovery as it unfolds.  Enjoy the ride.  I have.

Dr. Harry Vedelago, MSc., MD, CCFP, FCFP, ASAM, ABAM

Homewood Health Centre, Addiction Division, Guelph, Ontario, Canada

Gary Rubie was born in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, in 1962. He joined the Peel Regional Police Department in 1984, where he served for twenty-five years on a variety of frontline and plainclothes units. He enjoyed many successes his career, being recognized sixty-four times with letters of appreciation from the public, police commendations, and awards. He continued his studies, taking thirty-three job-related courses over his career. In 2009, in his twenty-fifth year of policing, he was diagnosed with job-related career-ending post traumatic stress disorder and was placed on permanent disability. Gary's journey to writing poetry began just over 10 years ago as a method of journalling. With no formal training, he found solace in rhyme. It was a therapeutic way of putting his feelings on paper about the struggles and challenges he faced during his policing career and in dealing with the severe job-related trauma (PTSD) and his addictions. Gary asked his father in 2010 if he would consider drawing images to go it each poe, and the result is a one-of-a-kind collaboration between father and son. The poems have all been complimented with pen-and-ink illustrations done by Henk. Gary's father believed in him. He felt this was his small way or working with and helping his son to find some relief from the crippling symptoms of his PTSD. With poetry and illustration, this memoir describes Gary's life journey through intense introspection and self-discovery to reveal a very intimate and personal path to recover and a light of hope for all who may struggle. Gary fought the workplace safety board and his own police department to have his illness recognized as a job related brain injury. He was eventually awarded his claim and received his disability pension.