I GOT STORIES

Let me be clear from the jump—this book is meant to make fun of me and nobody else. So, if you came here looking for gossip, shade, or some exposé on other people's lives, go ahead and put the book down (or don't—I need the sale). What you're about to read is a collection of stories centered around one person's very questionable, sometimes reckless, and always ridiculous life decisions. That person is me. These chapters are basically receipts of the dumb sh*t I've done, the messes I've gotten myself into, and the many, many lessons I've learned the hard way. And the best part? I'm still here to tell the story—sometimes bruised, sometimes broke, but always with a sense of humor. I didn't write this to be inspirational. I'm not here to preach or give you a 12-step program for how to fix your life. If anything, this is a what-not-to-do guide disguised as a memoir. If you learn something along the way, cool. If you just laugh your ass off, even better. So, kick back, grab a drink (or a helmet, depending on your level of secondhand embarrassment), and enjoy the ride. Just remember—every bad choice came with a funny story, and every story came with a lesson. Eventually. Let's get into it.