Happiness, Horse Apples and Hand Grenades

“Women and men are different. Women and horses... still different. Men and horses... not so much.” This book is about the three parts of every relationship: (1) Happiness - the happy part, (2) Horse Apples - the crappy part, and (3) Hand Grenades - the battles in between, and how putting your horse in a halter and your man in a H.A.L.T.E.R. can improve any relationship. Written in humorous "bar-stool confessional" style, this book will appeal to all women: young or old, married or single, in love or just playing the field, frustrated or satisfied.

HAPPINESS, HORSE APPLES AND HAND GRENADE: A Guide for Creating a Stable Relationship with a Man (or a Horse) makes the humorous but insightful observation that “Women and men are different. Women and horses... still different. Men and horses... not so much.” By breaking down the similarities of man and horse, Connie teaches women how to see their partners as the unique beasts they are and how to truly appreciate the differences between them and us women. As the book title implies, Connie K. Thompson breaks down relationships into three parts: (1) Happiness - the happy part, (2) Horse Apples - the crappy part, and (3) Hand Grenades - the battles in between. Every relationship desires happiness, but couples often spend too much time in the battle zones trying to re-make their partners, actions that only leave the couple in the crappy part. If you are a woman who has a horse, ever had a horse, or has always wanted a horse, you acknowledge the unique bond between women and horses--even if you don’t understand it. And if you are a man, you see the evidence of that love in the hours and money your woman spends on your 1,000-pound competition. And what man wouldn't give his favorite sneakers to be loved with the same complete acceptance that women give their horses? But if women can love another species with such total devotion, why do women have such a hard time loving their human partners? Connie believes it’s all in unrealistic expectations. We expect horses to act like horses, but we expect men to act like romantic heroes who can read our minds, understand our strange hormonal moments, and leap tall buildings in a single bound. By examining the physical, mental, social, and emotional aspects of men and horses, Connie shows women that there really isn’t that much difference between the equine and homo sapiens variety. Her hilarious examples of animal behavior and blunt honesty about the games that women play will have the reader laughing out loud and blurting out "OMG, that's me!" With the clarity of a microscope and the bluntness of a boulder, Connie pulls no punches in examining some of the misconceptions both men and women hold that keep them from understanding each other and missing the gold ring of happiness. Women everywhere will identify with this wacky, witty and wild ride through the romantic world of humans. And she constantly reminds us that being in love is supposed to be fun!

Connie K. Thompson is a typical woman. She has loved, lost, and failed at relationships. She has been under the glass ceiling, over the top in debt, and somewhere in between with success. Her upbringing resembles the Terminator more than Donna Reed, but her sense of humor remains intact and itching to be released upon the world. Connie’s parents divorced when she was seven. Her father, a school teacher, got custody and her mother disappeared for eight years. (Just try learning hair styling techniques from a bald man!) She made it through college with a B.S. in Business Administration and later a M.A. in Technical Writing. Her attention span for jobs—she blames dyslexia and ADHD—was approximately 3.5 years before boredom set in and she split in search of more interesting work. Hence, she has been a court reporter, a financial analyst, a paralegal, a veterinary assistant, a housing specialist, a real estate appraiser, a college teacher, a small business owner, a cutting and reining horse owner, an entrepreneur, and a perpetual student. She tried marriage three times, each lasting 3.5 years (see ADHD note above), with several years in between until she met #4 in the middle of a spring fed stream in southern Missouri. (She was flat on her back in 6 inches of freezing water and he had a dry shirt—voila, a match made in heaven). Listen to her joy and desperation at finding herself the owner of 11 horses overnight with no horse sense at all and how hours spent with a mucky pitchfork in numerous horse stalls led her to a 20-year happiness with What’s-his-Name. She is the self-proclaimed World’s Worst Stepmother, a burlesque comedian, a country singer wannabe, and a motorcycle momma with a height restriction. Join her in her wild, wacky, wise reflections, observations, and insights into living life to the fullest while dragging your loved ones along with you to the happy end.