Don't Get Engaged

Don't Get Engaged (until you read this book) will help you and your partner decide if you are truly right for each other to spend your lives together. It is a workbook with an emphasis on "work." If you follow the instructions carefully, you will be taken through a process that will reveal all the information you need to make an enlightened decision about your relationship, and you'll have fun doing it. This is the version with Black and White graphics and photographs inside.

Professional Review 1: by Lucinda E. Clarke

This book is pure magic. What book? Don’t Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) by Laura Nielson Denke. It’s the definitive guide to getting to know your partner long before the wedding day, and even before you promise to get married. No stone is left unturned in exploring every aspect of living together as a couple. Sectioned into topics such as self-discovery, people skills, present and future aspirations, cultural, religious, behavioral and financial, they are all covered in this little book. It’s a book for both partners to read, then complete the questionnaires honestly and then discuss. It covers compromises, even how to talk about and solve problems without conflict, and where and when this should take place. Habits, addiction, health, and drugs are also included and any couple completing this course should, by the end, know their prospective partner almost as well as they know themselves – although the cleverly crafted questions may open doors to self-discovery.

No stone has been left unturned in Don’t Get Engaged. It’s an easy to read, well thought out journey of insights into the lives of both partners. She has included every scenario you can think of, and askes the questions: “Could you cope living with that?” “Can you compromise, and if so to what extent?” “Can you both communicate effectively?” In many areas, she cites cases from her own counseling experience where couples were on the brink of divorce because they had not asked the right questions before they married. She repeats a few golden rules in that marriage does not change people, to break off an unsuitable relationship will hurt for a while but will save years of pain, and, breaking up is not a failure. How I wish this book had been written 30 years ago; it would have saved me years of misery. I can’t praise it highly enough, well worth the 5 stars.

Professional Review 2: by K.C. Finn

Don’t Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) is a work of non-fiction specializing in dating and relationship advice and was penned by author Laura Nielson Denke. Written for adults due to its frank discussion of all mature relationship aspects, this handy and informative guidebook attempts to clear some of the murky waters of the pre-marital relationship stage so that couples can make it work long term. Such aspects of the book include questionnaires and advice on answering them, so as to avoid issues of trying to please the other person or manipulate them, with a view to achieving a candid overall view of their compatibility together.

For those who feel that compromise and commonality are important aspects of their relationship, this book will certainly help them to determine if those factors truly exist in the person they hope to stay with long term. That’s not to say, however, that failed questionnaires would spell total doom and gloom for a couple because author Laura Nielson Denke does a great job with her candid counseling advice on how to settle differences that may arise and treat them honestly and with respect. The work itself is extremely well formatted for clarity and practical ease of use, and the narration style keeps things friendly and relaxed, but with the authority of a writer who really knows what they’re talking about. Overall, Don’t Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) is a really interesting and fulfilling way to check in on pre-marital life before the next step.

Professional Review 3: by Gisela Dixon

Don't Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) by Laura Nielson Denke is a non-fiction guide on marriage and relationships. Written by a professional therapist and marriage counselor, this book discusses pre-marital counseling before taking the decision to get married and encourages couples to do the pre-engagement therapy themselves. The book is organized into four main sections: Who are you? How are your people skills?, Where have you been and where are you going?, What about health, finances, and integrity? Each of these sections contains many questionnaires that couples should do together as well as alone on topics ranging from finances, past relationship history, sexual compatibility, religion and spirituality, family background and cultural differences, health and illness, conflict resolution and compromise, personal "love language", and much more. There is also a section for seniors in the book and issues that are most relevant to people marrying at later stages in life.
            Don't Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) is a great resource and absolutely useful to anyone looking to enter into a marriage. The book provides plenty of self-surveys and questionnaires that couples can do, which I thought was very useful. Laura writes very concisely and to the point and covers most of the most common issues that lead to divorce. With divorce rapidly on the rise, pre-marital counseling and even prenups are almost a necessity in the modern world. I also liked the section on red flags mentioned in the appendix. Overall this is a must-read book for people of any age looking to get married.

Professional Review 4: Lesley Jones

As many couples celebrate their engagement, their first priority is planning a wedding day to remember. However, with the divorce rate so high, can they be truly certain the love they share is enough to sustain a happy long-lasting marriage? Don't Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) by Laura Nielson Denke is a guide for all couples and takes you through the four essential steps to find out the truth. As you work through each step, you will face difficult questions about yourself and your future life partner. Discover if you share the same values about family and life. How do you plan on dealing with problems with extended family or changes in circumstances as you get older? How will you resolve any conflict so it does not damage your marriage? Can you compromise where both of you are happy? At the end of this guide, you will have a clear understanding of who you are, what you are searching for in a partner, and if you have found them.

Laura Nielson Denke has exceptional knowledge regarding relationships. She leaves no issue or dilemma unscrutinized. This is definitely not a book for the lazy; you are made to work through each amazing step. The questionnaires are detailed but very interesting as they will reveal a great deal about a person's values and beliefs. You will learn a great deal about yourself and what you require in a partner. The guide also deals with issues such as children, finances, and culture. The author realizes that people and situations change over the years but gives you the necessary skills to deal with problems as they arise. There is even a senior section which I thought was excellent as well as the section on overcoming past experiences, so they are not an obstacle in your new relationship. I loved the personality quiz! You will be amazed by what you learn about yourself when you complete this. There is even a journal at the end so you can complete the four steps perfectly.

Professional Review 5: Erin Nicole Cochran

The relationship survivor tools in Laura Nielson Denke’s non-fiction book Don’t Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) are vital, especially in the modern age that we find ourselves in currently. Complete with questions that may surprise or seem reasonable to be asked of couples, Don’t Get Engaged isn’t just a relationship saver, it’s ultimately a lifesaver. You could be working out the kinks of where you are right now with someone, or finding out that the paths you are both on are not workable. Denke relates several real-life situations with her patients to help solidify why the questions throughout the book are so important.

Laura Nielson Denke’s Don’t Get Engaged (Until You Read This Book) caught my eye immediately. If anyone were to know how to go about keeping someone on the right path, it is a therapist; there would be no one better. Even though I’m single at the moment, the information was so spot-on in places that I can’t wait to fill out the questionnaires with a partner when I do find someone. Keep this book in mind for family and friends in your life who are getting engaged. Perhaps even make an anonymous gift on their doorstep with it, as some newly engaged couples might at first feel as though their love is being questioned, which wouldn’t be the case at all. If you can play any small part in saving a loved one from misery and heartache years down the road, it’s always worth it.

 

Don't Get Engaged (until you read this book) will help you and your partner decide if you are truly right for each other to spend your lives together. It is a workbook with an emphasis on "work." If you follow the instructions carefully, you will be taken through a process that will reveal all the information you need to make an enlightened decision about your relationship, and you'll have fun doing it. The best way for you and your partner to accomplish this work is for you to each have a copy of the book. If that is not possible, just copy the questionnaires for your partner. Filling out the questionnaires separately helps to ensure honest and candid answers. If done together, your partner's answers may be what he/she guesses you would say and not what he/she really thinks: "wanting too much to be liked." If you are together, it is too easy to be swayed or influenced by a verbal opinion from your partner or trying to think what the answer "should" be: "second guessing." In a romantic atmosphere together, you or your partner might say, "Oh yeah, I think that too," even though the exact opposite is true: "manipulation." It's important you avoid these issues and answer the questions honestly and alone. During the process of completing the steps in the book, it is important to talk about what is real at the present time. You may also talk about what you would like to become, but don't deviate from who you really are, and what your life is like now! There are four steps in the book. Each step contains an introduction, instructions including preparation, planning, one or more activities and other assignments, questionnaires and "concepts to consider." The process for each step is simple. First: Read the introduction and everything in the step. Fill out the questionnaires separately from your partner. Second: Follow the plan including preparation, planning and doing the activities and assignments. Third: Review your answers to the questionnaires together as instructed. Summarize where you agree and where you don't and analyze where compromises can or cannot happen. Fourth: At the end of each step, review what you have done, alone, and decide if you are ready to take the next step. And perhaps the most important part, make this fun. It's worth it.

Laura Nielson Denke M.A. LMFT, LMHC Laura Nielson Denke has lived a varied life. She has a B.A. degree in Theater Arts and Communications, and a master's degree, in Marriage and Family Therapy. Mrs. Denke choreographed Summer Stock Theater as well as appeared as the lead in numerous musicals. She founded and directed the Seattle Children's Ballet Company choreographing annually, "The Nutcracker Suite Ballet," "Coppelia," "Peter & the Wolf," and others. She toured her ballet company in Europe performing in Spain & Portugal. She founded the company, Victory Studios with her husband, Conrad W. Denke, for whom she wrote and directed "Adventures on Sinclair Island." a local television show that was later translated and sold all over the world. She wrote and directed several video productions, winning national awards for her efforts. She served as the host of the television program, "Teens Talk," which appeared locally in the greater Puget Sound area for four years. Later it was syndicated and sold to cable stations throughout the United States. Currently she holds the position of Executive Vice-president of Victory Studios. She is also a professional therapist with an office in Studio City, California. She specializes in pre-marital counseling and marriage counseling and is considered a relationship expert. She is a nationally licensed mental health counselor and licensed in the state of Washington and California as a Marriage and family Therapist. Laura has a show on You-Tube called "Relationship Talk with Laura" featuring 16 shows that help improve communications in marriage. This program promotes knowledge to help audience members learn how to make wise and educated decisions in relationships. Mrs. Denke is the author of two relationship books: Ten Secrets for Achieving a Successful Celestial Marriage, and Before the Wedding. and is a frequent guest speaker around Los Angeles. Mrs. Denke is known not only for her advice but also as a person who walks the talk. She has been married successfully for 40 years, has two married children and five grandchildren.