"Choose Him Wisely" is written by PhD clinical psychologists with a combined nine decades of clinical and research experience working with victims of domestic violence and male abuse. Fueled by Dr. Meichenbaum's passion for protecting the women closest to him, he and Dr. Wexler created a way to help women make smart and safe decisions about their partners with this practical, user-friendly, and compact book that can help both men and women make critical decisions. Together, the authors dive into the stories of Gabby Petito and many others—celebrities and everyday people alike. What questions and tools did these women miss when choosing a partner? No system for doing this is perfect—but it is vital for everyone to become equipped with the right knowledge to try and steer clear of an abusive relationship.
"Quite simply, we sincerely believe that if our daughter Gabby Petito had learned about domestic violence, whether in school, through conversations, or from a book like Drs. Wexler and Meichenbaum’s Choose Him Wisely, her life could have been very different.
As Gabby’s parents, we reflect on all the warning signs of potential violence, clearly identified in this practical and user-friendly book. We urge all parents and grandparents to encourage their children, daughters and sons alike, to read this book before making important decisions about choosing a partner.
The authors provide clear, actionable guidance for recognizing warning signs, trusting instincts, asking important questions, observing behavior patterns, and seeking input from trusted friends or family. The book also helps explain why some victims stay in unsafe relationships, how to exit safely, and why some individuals engage in abusive behavior.
In short, Choose Him Wisely is full of compassion, wisdom, and practical information that can save lives. We strongly endorse this book in honor of Gabby’s memory."
--Nichole and Jim Schmidt, mother and stepfather of Gabby Petito, Founders of the Gabby Petito Foundation
I read “Choose Him Wisely” from cover to cover without putting it down. It is a must read for any woman at any age. Two great experts in the field, sharing what they have learned from years of experience. This book helps you understand what you might be feeling. Buy a dozen and give them to your relatives, friends and coworkers. They will thank you for it.
--Gael Strack, CEO and Co-Founder, Alliance for HOPE International
"Choose Him Wisely" is a powerful, practical guide to building safe and respectful relationships. Wexler and Meichenbaum empower readers to trust their instincts, recognize early signs of abuse, and make informed, life-changing choices. A must-read for anyone ready to break the cycle and build a future rooted in trust and emotional well-being.
-- Etiony Aldarondo, Ph.D., Executive Director, The Melissa Institute
This short book is a guide for young females and even parents of young females to identify partners who may become abusive. The book leads off with a description of Gabby Petito’s cross-country “vlogged” journey with her boyfriend which captured nationwide attention because he strangled and killed her only to return to his Florida homebase and kill himself. The Petito story prompts the reader to wonder what signs Gabby or others could have seen that would have prevented her murder. The authors note early many well-known women who have been abused like Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, and Doris Day. It is also appropriately noted that abuse is at least as common in gay and lesbian couples as in straight couples.
A woman or man can read this book and learn about attitudes and behaviors of a partner or potential partner that should lead them to question whether it is a good idea to commit to such a relationship. The authors make the excellent point that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and this is certainly true of aggressive behaviors. The point is also made that aggression is one of the most stable characteristics of humankind and that it is almost as stable as intelligence. Thus, of all the signs, past aggression is the best predictor of future aggression in intimate relationships, and if physical aggression has occurred more than once early in a relationship, it has also been shown that the probability of future physical aggression increases. The authors take you through eleven warning signs of abuse like love bombing, isolation, jealousy, controlling behavior. It is emphasized that you should get to know your man (or woman); know about their use of alcohol and other substances; know about your partners family background and their mental health. Finally, importantly, the authors help an individual who wants to leave a relationship to develop a safety plan and time the exit cautiously and wisely.
If you have any concerns that your relationship could become abusive, read this book!
--Dr. K. Daniel O’Leary, Intimate Partner Violence Researcher, Research Professor and Distinguished Professor Emeritas, Stony Brook University, Stony Brook, NY
“Choose Him Wisely” will save many women from injury and heartache. Readers learn the often-overlooked early warning signs of an abusive partner—before the damage is done. By offering straightforward advice on how to leave an unhealthy relationship safely and guideposts for a healthy relationship, this essential guide helps women choose the relationships they deserve: ones filled with safety, respect and love. This small but mighty book is a must read for every woman choosing a life partner.
--Christine A. Padesky, PhD, author of “Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way you Think”
It is often true, that we may have more influence over the entrance into a dangerous relationship than we realize. The problem is, we can't avoid what we don't identify. “CHOOSE HIM WISELY” has taken the crucial steps that can help potential victims identify and predict problem partners before they get involved. This book will have a positive impact in preventing dangerous partner selection.
--Sandra L. Brown, M.A., author of “How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved”
As a family lawyer and therapist, I have been following the work of Wexler and Meichenbaum for over twenty years. They are the experts in treatment for intimate partner violence, developing methods and training tens of thousands of professionals. In this book they use simple and compassionate terms to help women (and men) recognize seemingly innocent relationship behaviors that are actually quite dangerous. They write in a way that helps potential victim/survivors to avoid the guilt and shame that often comes with realizing they have been abused. I strongly recommend this book for individuals and professionals.
--Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Co-Founder, High Conflict Institute
"Choose Him Wisely" will add a great deal to the body of knowledge that has been gathered over the years regarding abusive partners---and it's all in one place. David Wexler has been a pioneer in the field of working with men who have been abusive to their intimate partners. This book adds to his contributions as well as those made in CBT by Dr. Meichenbaum. Thanks to both of you for this book, which I can't wait to own.
--Alyce LaViolette, M.S., author of “It Could Happen To Anyone: Why Battered Women Stay”
As a victim advocate and author of abuser intervention curricula, I consider Choose Him Wisely: How to Identify a Safe Partner an essential read for any woman seeking to avoid abusive relationships. Wexler and Meichenbaum distill decades of expertise into clear, practical guidance that helps readers spot red flags and see past the “smoke screens” abusers often use. This book is equally valuable for professionals—advocates, therapists, probation officers, and intervention facilitators—who work to protect potential victims and hold abusers accountable.
—Nada Yorke, LCSW, author of “Another Way…Choosing to Change”
Kudos for Drs. Wexler and Meichenbaum. This is a very valuable resource. ”Choose Him Wisely” will help women do just that!
—Michael F. Hoyt, Ph.D., author of “Some Stories Are Better than Others, Brief Therapy and Beyond and Single Session Therapy”
I commend the authors for approaching this topic with clarity, empathy, and practical wisdom. “Choose Him Wisely: How to Identify a Safe Partner” provides wise and very consumable guidance for those navigating the journey toward healthier, safer, and more fulfilling relationships. A more important gift from a parent or loved one would be hard to identify
--Jim Larson, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus, University of Wisconsin - Whitewater
