Then & Now: How My Sexual Attractions Have Changed

It is “common knowledge” today that homosexuality is inborn, innate, and unchangeable—that, in fact, any attempt to change one’s sexual orientation will inevitably cause great psychological harm and perhaps even lead to suicide. It may be “common knowledge,” but is it true? Our own experience says no. We know change in sexual attractions is possible—at least to some degree, and at least for some people—because we’ve experienced it ourselves. We know it because we’ve lived it. That’s why we’ve compiled this book: to share our own experience with others who might benefit. Others who need to know that, yes, some people really have reduced or eliminated their same-sex attractions through deliberate interventions like counseling, experiential personal-growth programs and non-sexual same-gender bonding. We share with you what our same-sex attraction (SSA) was like “then”—at the point in our lives when the SSA felt the strongest and most intense. We compare that to our lives now that the SSA has (in most cases) diminished—sometimes dramatically, sometimes minimally, but always for the better. We share with you what motivated us to pursue change, and what worked for us in bringing about the life changes we’ve experienced. Our collective experience cannot tell you how often change occurs, or how likely change is to occur. But our experience clearly demonstrates that, yes, change can in fact occur. It is real. It can even be life-saving.

It is “common knowledge” today that homosexuality is inborn, innate, and unchangeable—that, in fact, any attempt to change one’s sexual orientation will inevitably cause great psychological harm and perhaps even lead to suicide. It may be “common knowledge,” but is it true? Our own experience says no. We know change in sexual attractions is possible—at least to some degree, and at least for some people—because we’ve experienced it ourselves. We know it because we’ve lived it. That’s why we’ve compiled this book: to share our own experience with others who might benefit. Others who need to know that, yes, some people really have reduced or eliminated their same-sex attractions through deliberate interventions like counseling, experiential personal-growth programs and non-sexual same-gender bonding. We share with you what our same-sex attraction (SSA) was like “then”—at the point in our lives when the SSA felt the strongest and most intense. We compare that to our lives now that the SSA has (in most cases) diminished—sometimes dramatically, sometimes minimally, but always for the better. We share with you what motivated us to pursue change, and what worked for us in bringing about the life changes we’ve experienced. Our collective experience cannot tell you how often change occurs, or how likely change is to occur. But our experience clearly demonstrates that, yes, change can in fact occur. It is real. It can even be life-saving.

Rich Wyler is the founder and director of People Can Change, a nonprofit, peer-led support and educational organization of men who seek to resolve, diminish or make peace with their unwanted same-sex attractions (SSA). He is the co-creator of PCC’s life-changing Journey Into Manhood experiential personal-growth program and its complement for wives of SSA men, A Wife’s Healing Journey. He is also a professional, certified life coach, working especially with men who want to diminish or make peace with their SSA in ways that are congruent with their values, morals and life goals. Wyler came to this work after his own journey out of homosexuality in the 1990s. Married and the father of two, he resides in Virginia, USA. He can be reached at rich@peoplecanchange.com or 1-434-985-8551