Fartboy

Everybody loves 300 pound Fartboy. When he walks down the hallway at school all the kids hold their noses – teachers too. If he lets a twenty second Duck Quacker they stop to applaud. But what happens when Fartboy leaves his home - and refrigerator - in Tampa and travels to the wilds of Canada to go to Camp OO? It’s a million laughs and then some.

My name’s Fartboy. You may not believe it but I actually like that name. Everybody at school knows me. When I walk down the hall all the kids hold their noses – teachers too. They grin. I make them happy. And when I let a twenty-second Duck Quacker they stop to laugh. They don’t see my three hundred pounds of jellyroll – they see The King of Farts. And let’s face it I could have a way worse nickname. I could be Blubber King. Or Dinner Tube. Or the Three Hundred Pound Boy Who Can’t See His Wee Wee Without a Mirror. In this story I travel to North Bay, Canada – I live in Tampa, Florida – so I can go to Camp Opeongo, better known as Camp OO. I end up in Cabin C with seven other fat twelve-year-olds. My best guy friend is Aziz (As-eees) who it turns out lives in this brownstone in New York worth over twelve million dollars. He’s pretty funny and the mosquitoes love him more than me which helps. He says that’s because they like curry better than hot dogs. Then there’s Wichita, all 376 pounds of him. Wich makes me look puny and that’s saying something. The rest of the guys are Deacon, Carlos, David, Simon and Mikhail. Between us we weigh over a ton! Our cabin leader is Skinny Brian. He teaches us a whole lot about canoeing and camping and life. We like Brian but then he breaks his leg and leaves us with Gordo, the Head Counsellor, The Guy We Hate! Next I should mention Louise who becomes my best unguy friend. She’s at the girls’ camp at the other end of the lake but we have campfires with the girls once a week so we get to be buddies. She’s smart and I end up telling her things I don’t tell anybody else. Like why I’m really fat and getting fatter. I even tell her about the million dollars we found and lost! Lastly I should mention Mr. Ogilvie, the Camp Director. This guy is truly scary. He even has a face like the Phantom of the Opera. We’re pretty sure it’s Mr. Ogilvie’s million dollars we’ve lost and one thing’s for sure - he’s not happy about it! I still laugh when I read it and it’s got a good ending. I’d buy it.

John Denison is the author of numerous young adult novels including Occam’s Razor, Booger, Fartboy, Unlock Holmes: Space Detective and Hanna, the President’s Daughter. Before becoming a writer he was a publisher for 35 years and enjoyed almost every minute of it. Today he lives on a farm overlooking Erin, Ontario, with wild turkeys, tame deer, coyotes and 25,000 pine trees. He’s definitely carbon neutral.